


straight as a rainbow

by bokeae



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: "Platonic", Bottom!Dan, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, Dan and Phil are completely straight ahaha. ha. h, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phan Smut, Phanfiction, Shameless Smut, Smut, brojob, handjob, literally just sex what do you expect, top!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-12 18:34:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7944937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokeae/pseuds/bokeae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In where Dan and Phil are heterosexual teens who give each other blowjobs- but they're not gay, no, they're just helping each other out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	straight as a rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> yoooo idek i felt platonic and smutty.
> 
> tumblr is [@bokeae](http://bokeae.tumblr.com/) if you wanted to cheekily follow me

They were the best of friends.

  
_'Dan and Phil._ '

  
They were the straightest of friends too.

  
Dan would talk to Phil about how hot Jemma looked as they walked to Phil’s house together.

  
Phil would huff about how Celine would look sexy in nothing but red thongs.

  
“That’s a bit…” Dan had interrupted.

  
“What? You were talking about fucking Kylie just yesterday- I’m tame compared to you.”

  
“Yeah but Celine’s innocent-“

  
“Innocent ones are the naughtiest.” Phil pointed out and Dan nodded. They continued talking as they played chess.

  
They were equally disgusting in that sense. They were both losers too.

  
“Stephanie bumped into me.” Dan said, almost dreamily. Phil gasped, happy for Dan. It’s not everyday they touch girls- or talk to them for that matter.

  
They try to make their moments last.

  
“Yeah, I said sorry.” Dan face palmed and Phil sighed, patting his shoulder.

  
“Yikes.”

  
“She gave me this look! Like, like she was judging me and I’m cringing on my deathbed, Jesus, Phil.”

  
Dan shivered, just thinking about it.

  
“It’s not that bad…”

  
“Phil, I fell to the ground. It’s not just a ‘bump’ it was basically a shove.”

  
“Savour it, Dan, that’s the closest to sex you’re gonna get.” Phil chuckled and Dan shoved his best friend off the bed while he cackled to himself.

  
“I hate you.” Dan sighed.

  
Phil nudged into him, grinning.

  
“I had a good day today.” Phil said.

  
“What?”

  
“I found my brothers stash of porn magazines.”

  
“Really? Did you bring any?”

  
“Dude, I- yes actually. I didn’t bring all of them, obviously. I’m keeping most.”

  
“What happens when Jason finds out?”

  
“Well tough luck, I dunno, he’ll buy more.”

  
Dan shrugged.

  
Days passed until Dan struck gold.

  
He had somehow gotten Leanne’s attention- he was crying on the inside.

  
Not only had he touched her lips, he had touched her tits too- Dan was sure he was going to faint.

  
He nearly passed out when she told him to talk dirty to her.

  
The colour drained from his cheeks and he stuttered.

  
“Uh, uh what?” He asked.

  
“Talk dirty to me.” She gasped. Dan’s eyes were wide like saucers and he was silent for a long time. What was he meant to say? All he could think about now is pollution and global warming.

  
“Well?” She asked, impatiently.

  
“I-uh-“ He choked. He looked at her, “ _Vulva_.”

  
He considered dying on the spot when she left before telling him how shit of a kisser he really is.

  
He couldn’t look at anyone in the eyes after that.

  
Phil told him he was sleeping over that night and he simply grunted in reply.

  
He tried to get over that when Phil came over with a plate of casserole. Phil didn’t need much, half of his belongings were with Dan anyways.

  
Dan eventually had to clear out a drawer specifically for Phil.

  
Their beds were abandoned like always. Dan planned on sleeping in the bed while Phil slept on the floor but he always ended up talking to Phil on the ground until they both drifted asleep on the floor.

  
Phil had planned on watching cat videos with Dan until they fell asleep.

  
Dan wanted to go to sleep earlier than midnight which Phil found peculiar.

  
“Ok, you’ve been acting weird the whole day. What’s up?” Phil asked, propping himself up on an elbow.

  
He was wearing a dark purple shirt that was way too loose for Phil. It used to belong to his older brother but Jason deemed it too girly. Plus Dan had a weird habit of tugging on clothes when he got too excited. It’s why the neck of the shirt was stretched out and hung around Phil’s shoulder.

  
Dan sighed and buried his face in his pillows.

  
“You’re gonna laugh at me.” Dan grumbled. Phil’s grin vanished.

  
“No, ok I promise not to laugh. What’s up?” Phil asked. Dan turned to him and pouted.

  
“I made out with Leanne.” He said.

  
“What? Oh my God! Congratulations! That’s great!” Phil congratulated. Dan made a face and Phil quietened down.

  
“Uh, she told me to- uh, talk dirty and I-“

  
“You talked about pollution or something? Dan, that’s not what she meant-“

  
“I said vulva.”

  
It was quiet.

  
Phil buried his head in his pillow, body shaking. It took Dan a while to realise he was laughing.

  
“You promised!” He yelled and pushed Phil. Phil sat up, laughing louder.

  
“I’m sorry, but-“ He laughed, “Vulva.”

  
Dan had his face in his hands.

  
“Fucking _vulva_ , of all the things-“

  
“I nearly said uterus, Phil.” Dan said and Phil barked out another laugh.

  
Phil’s laughs turned to giggles and he leaned his head on Dan’s shoulder.

  
“Ok, sit up, let’s practice.” Phil said. Dan sat up, eyes wide and confused.

  
“What the fuck, what? Practice?” Dan yelped.

  
“Yes, come on, you’ll feel better.”

  
“I’ll feel better?”

  
“Yes, trust me, I know you better than you know yourself.” Phil said.

  
Phil was right.

  
“Ok, tell me everything you wished you could say to Leanne.”

  
Dan gaped at him.

  
“That’s the thing! I dunno what to say.” Dan said.

  
“Do you not know how to dirty talk?” Phil asked, confused.

  
“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

  
“Close your eyes.”

  
Dan huffed buy he complied anyways.

  
“Now tell me everything you want to do to me.” Phil said.

  
“I want to kill you, fuck, this is so weird!” Dan said.

  
“Shut up, I’m helping you. Just like you help me. Bros help bros out.” Phil said. Dan sighed for the seventh time. “Ok, fine I’ll start it off.”

  
Phil cleared his throat and breathed out a sensual “Hey.”

  
Dan tried not to giggle at Phil’s attempts to be sexy.

  
“So, what are you gonna do to me?” Phil asked, his voice dropping down to a whisper.

  
“I- I’m gonna kiss you.” Dan said.

  
“Are you kidding me?”

  
“This is weird enough, I don’t need your commentary.”

  
Phil rolled his eyes and Dan continued.

  
“I- I’m gonna pin you against a wall and I’m gonna kiss you until your lips are raw and swollen. I’m gonna leave purple bruises on your neck, I’m gonna kiss bruises on your inner thighs until- until you’re moaning so loud that- that everyone can hear it.” Dan said. “And I’m gonna bite you and I’m gonna pull your hair but- but you’re gonna like it. You’re gonna have scratch marks on your back and hickeys on your chest. And you’re gonna like that.”

  
Dan opened his eyes and Phil was gaping at him.

  
“Jesus, I’m all hot and bothered now.” Phil fanned himself.

  
“Shut up, how was it.”

  
“Amazing, I’m impressed.”

  
If Dan could bow, he would.

  
They ended falling asleep on the floor.

  
-

  
Phil couldn’t get off no matter what.

  
He had his stash of porn magazines on the side and he had his fingers wrapped around his dick.

  
No matter how fast he wanked or how hard he did it, he never reached his climax.

  
Dan’s talked about it, he talked about how good it felt.

  
“It feels like dying but in the best way possible.”

  
And Phil never understood.

  
On a warm Tuesday, Dan had interrupted him an hour after school.

  
He had barged in with homework in his hands and a horrified look on his face.

  
Phil literally jumped off the bed, he tripped as his sweatpants were around his ankles.

  
“What the fuck! Have you not heard of knocking?” Phil yelled.

  
“Have you not heard of locking the goddamn door?” Dan yelled back. He glanced at the magazines and raised an eyebrow.  
Phil sighed.

  
“I can’t get off.” Phil suddenly said.

  
“What? You think I want to know that?!” Dan yelled, looking disgusted. Phil shrugged.

  
“I’m annoyed.” Phil simply said.

  
“I-“ Dan began, looking confused, “Do you want me to help or something?”

  
“What? _No!_ That’s weird!”

  
Ten minutes later, Phil had his legs around Dan as he jerked him off.

  
And the lack of sounds Phil was making annoyed Dan a fair bit.

He used both hands, hoping that would spark something more than a breathy sigh.

He sighed before leaning down, using his mouth instead.

"What the fuck? That's gay- fuck, never mind." Phil said as he was interrupted by a moan. Dan used his hand to pump the rest he couldn't reach.

Dan tried to convince himself that what he was doing wasn't gay at all. No, he was still straight- he was just helping his friend reach his climax.

Dan made a muffled noise when Phil's fingers wound around his hair, tugging almost viciously.

Dan licked over the tip and he fondled Phil's balls. Phil's breathy sighs turned to helpless gasps.

"Dan- fuck-" Dan looked up to see Phil throwing his head back and panting. His chest rose and he was wriggling under his touch. Dan was quite impressed with himself.

Phil moaned, a bit too loudly and Dan grabbed at Phil's thighs, telling him to shut up. Dan ended up scratching him. Phil groaned at that, he bit his bottom lip, trying to mask that sound.

And he kept biting his bottom lip and that was driving Dan insane. He moaned, the sound vibrated up Phil and he arched his back.

"Dan- D- move! I'm close- shit, Dan, I'm cl-"

Dan moved back just as Phil was hit with euphoria.

Phil was panting and his cheeks were bright red.

"Shit, Dan, that was- that was amazing. Feel my heart." Phil said.

"I'm good, I've felt enough." Dan said with a grimace. He looked at his hands which were covered with Phil's mess. "Gross."

"Sorry."

"Nah, it's cool." Dan waved him away. Phil sat up and pulled his pants back on.

"Does this, uh, make us gay?" Dan asked, almost scared. "Because- bec- I'm not gay, Phil."

"Yeah, I'm not gay either."

"I'm not bi or pan or whatever- I'm straight."

"A hundred percent." Phil agreed.

"We're just two bros helping each other out."

"Yeah, exactly." Phil said, "Plus, it's not like I was thinking about you while I was- while that happened, ha, no." Phil excused but he knew, deep inside, he was getting off to Dan's flushed cheeks and echoey moans that seemed vibrate around his very soul.

"Yeah and I was thinking about tits the whole time, yup." Dan excused. 

"Ok."

"Ok."

-

Dan wasn't a good kisser.

That's what Leanne said.

He had been given another chance to redeem himself and of course, being Dan, he failed once again.

Nicole was leaning in. He could smell the smoke in her breath.

He kissed her, it was terrible- it was too wet, he could taste smoke and her greasy lipstick was smudging everywhere.

Maybe he was just a bad kisser.

He cut it off short.

"Hey, so wow look at the time I-" He looked at his wrist, "I promised I would help Phil with...homework." He said before fleeing.

"You're leaving me...for Phil?" She snapped.

"Uh, well I promised. Bye!"

He crept in Phil's room, not knocking at all. Phil was on his bed. His hand wasn't wrapped around his dick, it was wrapped around a pen.

"Mum made some tarts if you're interested." Phil said without looking up.

"Phil, I'm having a bit of a crisis." Dan said. Phil looked up from his homework.

"What's up?"

"I'm bad at kissing." Dan said. Phil pushed his glasses up.

"Huh?"

"Ok, I was with Nicole-"

"Go, Dan! Two girls in one month, you're less of a loser than me." Phil congratulated. Dan gave him a look and Phil fell quiet.

"We were making out and it was just- it was terrible."

"Did you say 'vulva' again?" Phil asked and Dan swatted his arm.

"Shut up, no it just- it was disgusting, ok? Like lipstick was everywhere and she tasted like smoke- tic tacs don't cost that much, Jesus and it was wet. She salivates too much." Dan vented.

Phil tapped his pen against his knee.

"Then maybe she's a bad kisser?"

"No because I'm supposed to enjoy it. Everyone talks about how Nicole's good at kissing, what's wrong with me?" Dan asked. He turned to Phil who was staring at his lap, looking for advice.

"I- I dunno, maybe it was gonna get better?"

"You think I missed out?"

"Or- or maybe you didn't? I dunno." Phil sighed. 

"You think I could, I dunno, practice on you? Bro to bro." Dan said.

 

"I mean, sure." 

Dan crawled up and straddled Phil.

"This ok?"

"You've literally jerked me off, I think straddling me is ok." Phil grinned.

"Shut up."

"Make me." Phil teased and Dan did.

Dan pressed his lips against Phil's. It was awkward at first but Phil started kissing back. Dan tilted his head so he could get a better angle. Dan's fingers were tightened around Phil's collar and Phil's arms were around his back.

Phil played with the back of Dan's shirt. He slowly slid his fingers under until he was grazing Dan's skin. Dan didn't notice at first. 

Phil rubbed his fingers over the exposed area and he climbed higher and Dan gasped. Phil's fingers were so cold against his hot skin but it felt good.

Too good.

Dan gasped again when Phil's fingers bent to claw at his back. Phil slipped his tongue in and Dan's grip on his shirt tightened until he was ready to rip it off.

And it was hot everywhere and Dan couldn't breathe. He didn't want to breathe anyways.

He pulled apart, Phil's lips swollen and glasses askew.

Dan was panting heavily and pulled Phil's glasses back, he literally threw them back but they didn't care. Dan had his arms wrapped around Phil's head and his fingers were pulling at Phil's hair with such force. 

Dan moaned before Phil even reattached their lips. Phil's nails were drawing lines on his back and he arched in.

They made out, sloppy noises echoed off the room and moans followed straight after. Dan moved a lot on Phil's lap, maybe it was because he needed friction. Maybe it was making him restless.

Before they knew it, they were hard.

Phil detached his teeth from Dan's neck and he flipped him down on the bed.

"Fuck you're so hot." Phil said. Dan stared at him. Phil waved it away, "Sexy talk, I- weird habit."

Dan didn't question him, mostly because he didn't care. 

Phil pushed Dan onto his back and lifted his legs up. He nearly ripped Dan's jeans off, he was so eager. He did rip his boxers but Dan seemed to find that hot.

Phil lifted Dan's legs up so he could wrap his thighs around his neck. He turned his head and began sucking on Dan's inner thighs.

"Phil get to the- to the- shit." Dan moaned, throwing his head back until it leaned off the edge of the bed.

Phil left a row of hickeys on his thighs before he started sucking Dan's dick.

Dan began rutting into his mouth and Phil took him in. Phil had to hold onto his thighs to keep balance. Dan had to grab on to the bedsheets.

Phil's nails scratched against his thighs but Dan loved it. He sucked and he left marks on his thighs.

"Phil, I'm coming! I'm coming-"

Phil swallowed every bit of him.

"Gross." Dan commented.

"You're gross, you got off to me." Phil said.

"For your information, I was thinking about asses." 

"Yah, my ass."

"Shut up."

Phil imitated him, "Ph-il, Phil! Oh, oh!" 

Dan shoved him off the bed.

"You sounded like you were enjoying yourself." Phil snickered. Dan went red.

"This doesn't make me gay."

"Yeah, we've established that." Phil nodded. Dan sighed and turned to look for his shirt that he had thrown in the heat of the moment. He looked at his chest and gasped. He  turned to look at the mirror next to him and nearly died.

Hickeys. Hickeys everywhere.

"What the fuck did you do?!" Dan yelled and Phil covered his mouth.

"Whoops."

"' _Whoops?_ ' Phil, it looks like I had a sexcapade, Jesus Christ! I look like a fucking whore." Dan said. He looked at his thighs, staring at the hickeys there.

"I got carried away, I'm sorry."

Dan huffed and put on his clothes.

"So am I bad kisser?" Dan asked.

"No, as far as I'm concerned." Phil shook his head.

Dan grinned at that.

He was all anyone talked about in school.

He had a scarf, even though it was quite hot that day. 

"I hate you." Dan said to Phil.

Phil fixed his glasses that had a slight bend to it.

"I hate you too, look what you did to my glasses." Phil dangled them in his face.

"Maybe you deserved it." Dan spat. Phil frowned. "Soz, you wear contacts half the time anyways."

"I'm not supposed to!" Phil hissed. Dan shrunk down when Noah stared at him.

"Are you planning on melting or?" He asked. Dan shrugged.

"I'm trying to start a fashion trend." He said. Phil laughed lightly.

"Good luck with that." Noah said, "Also, heard you ran from Nicole."

"I didn't run from Nicole...actually I did." Dan said, "What did you hear?"

"You left in the middle of a kiss? For homework with Phil?" 

Phil's eyes widened at that.

"You left Nicole for me? I feel so special."

"Actually shut up."

The news was spreading everywhere actually.

People start calling Dan gay.

Much to Dan's luck, he had gym that day. He was forced to change into gym shorts and a shirt. 

Everyone gaped at him.

"Nicole did _that_?" Ethan asked, gaping at the purple hickeys.

"Yea-yeah she did, ha. Good with her mouth." Dan cringed.

"Didn't you leave, like, two seconds after the kiss?" Ethan asked. "For Phil- oh."

"Nono, Nicole did all that. I literally just finished homework with Phil."

"Sure, ' _homework.'_ "

Phil gasped at the hickeys littering Dan's frame.

"As far as you're concerned, Nicole did all that." Dan hissed.

"I'm low-key impressed. Nicole's talented with her, er, mouth." Phil said, nudging Dan who rolled his eyes.

Nicole later confirmed that she didn't do it, she smirked up at Phil who's eyes widened.

"Shit." 

Dan was quiet the whole day. Everyone stared, everyone snickered, everyone called him gay.

He wasn't _gay_.

He was straight.

It bothered him more than it bothered Phil- only because Phil was used to it.

The bell rang and Dan ran out of class, to his locker.

"Fucking gaylord." Someone had yelled. Phil snickered.

"Who says that even? It's as old as yolo." Phil sighed.

Joe rolled his eyes and prodded Dan.

"Bit of a faggot you are, what else did Phil do to you? You let a guy fuck yo-"

"Shut up!" Dan yelled, he pushed Joe into the lockers, roughly. "I'm not gay! I'm straight! Phil means nothing to me!"

And he ran off.

Everyone stared at Phil who's lips were in a tight line and his jaw clenched.

He didn't talk to Dan the whole day.

Dan eventually rushed up to Phil when his anger dissolved away.

Phil was trying to nap when Dan barged in.

"I am so sorry, fuck." Dan had said when he walked in. He went up to Phil and shook him awake. Phil scurried into the covers.

Dan climbed into the bed and under the covers. 

"Go away." Phil said, voice muffled.

"No, not until you listen to me."

"Go away."

Phil wriggled deeper and Dan followed.

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

"Why would you be sorry? I mean nothing to you, _apparently_."

"Yes you do, you mean a lot. I was just angry at them, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." Dan said. Phil didn't answer.

"Phil, I love you." Dan said suddenly.

"What."

"You're my best friend! Obviously I love you. Just wanted to let you know. I love you." Dan said.

"And then you say you're not gay."

"I'm not!" Dan yelled. Phil giggled and rolled his eyes. "Do you love me too?"

"Yeah. I love you too."

"Hugs?"

"I already feel gay, i don't want to add to that."

They end up spooning.

Everyone stopped calling Dan gay after that but no girl wanted to go out with him.

 Phil had more luck on his side.

"Made out with Kelly." Phil said, sitting in his seat for maths. His tongue was caught between his teeth as he wiggled his eyebsprws at Dan.

"Why?" Dan asked, almost moodily.

"What do you mean why? You're supposed to say 'Go Phil!'"

"Go Phil." Dan said, lacking any enthusiasm.

'What's up, why're you all moody."

"i'm not moody."

"Dan."

Dan sighed.

"I- uh, skipped breakfast." Dan excused but that wasn't it. Phil frowned and fished out an expired bar from his bag.

"I got you covered, friend." Phil said.

"Check the expiry date."

Phil ended up throwing it away.

Phil told Dan everything about the kiss.

"Was it good?" Dan asked.

"Um, ok, I'm gonna be honest here but it was average." Phil said and for some reason, Dan felt satisfied with that answer.

"Yeah?"

Phil hummed, "Honestly, our make out session was better."

"Yeah? By how much."

"A lot, like, a lot." Phil said. Dan grinned.

Dan felt better knowing he was better than Kelly.

Phil rolled his eyes and bit into his sandwich.

"Did you finish your homework for Geography? It's due today." Dan said.

"I- I didn't do it." 

"You always do homework."

"Dan, you started making out with me."

"Oh. Soz."

He wasn't sorry at all.

"Um, you wanna do that again?" Dan asked.

"What? No!" He looked around the cafeteria, "Yeah, I'll meet you in the store room."

And they had an unspoken agreement for the whole year. They made out, gave casual blowjobs while claiming to be thinking about naked women. They gave each other hand jobs when they were stressed or horny.

And honestly Dan preferred Phil's hands to his own.

Phil's older brother caught them once.

Phil's fingers were under Dan's half opened shirt and his lips were on Dan's collarbones, sucking in hickeys.

"What the fuck." Jason exclaimed. "What the actual fuck."

The two jumped part.

"You're ga-?"

"We're not gay." Phil said simply.

"I dunno, that looked pretty gay to me."

"I-"

"We're not gay!"

Jason told Phil's parents, only because he enjoyed seeing Phil in pain.

"You're gay?" Phil's dad asked.

"No, nono, we're just- we're not gay."

"They were literally fucking." Jason snickered.

"Shut up! That's not true!"

Phil was grounded for two months. He could see Dan for that amount of time.

He was angry. It was outrageous, it was inhumane. His parents heard Jason moaning in his room when he brought over a girl. They told him to be safe.

They're punishing Phil for doing something smaller than that.

Still, Dan sneaked in through Phil's window.

"You good?" Dan asked when he saw how angry Phil was.

"Am I good? No, I'm not good. My parents are downstairs enjoying their free lives while I'm here, not enjoying my free life. Only because they think I'm gay but ha! Jokes on them, I'm not even gay."

"They grounded you, huh?"

"Yes, for two months! They think we fucked or something but like- what are they worried about? They think I'm gonna impregnate you?"

"You-"

"I'm so angry! I wanna make them pay." Phil growled. He locked his door and leaned a chair against it. "We're gonna have sex and they're gonna have to listen."

And Phil was like an animal.

Dan loved every second of it.

And Phil had pinned Dan to a wall and he was ripping at Dan's shirt.

"Make as much noise as you want." He said and went straight for Dan's neck where he knew was sensitive. Dan moaned and groaned and his breathing stuttered at one point.

Phil sucked his lips until they were swollen. Phil bit Dan's bottom lip and pulled at it, watching it flick back in place.

Phil went lower. Dan screamed when Phil reached his nipple.

Phil pulled him onto the bed. He pushed Dan in before climbing on top of him. He sucked on Dan's nipple while pulled on the other one with his fingers. Dan was a writhing mess under him.

Phil tugged off his shirt and pulled Dan's jeans off.

Phil started with his thighs, licking, sucking, _biting._

It was purple again but Dan wasn't complaining.

He moved his attention to Dan's hard member. He licked a stripe up to his balls before moving away. Dan whined, upset that Phil was purposely neglecting his throbbing dick.

Phil went to his bedside table for the condoms he stole off his brother and the lube he had around.

"Ok, but we don't have to do this." Phil said.

"You having second thoughts?"

"No, I'm just saying you don't have to. Consent, I need it."

"Phil, I'm down for this. Come on, I'm dying here." 

And a few moments later, Dan had his legs wrapped around Phil's waist and head thrown back as Phil thrusted into him with all his might.

And Dan screamed louder every time Phil hit his prostate. Phil rocked into him and wrapped his hand around Dan's untouched cock. He jerked it off with ever thrust.

Dan screamed out a loud "Phil!" and he came.

He came in ribbons and he had never felt so alive.

Phil rode through his own climax before collapsing on top of Dan.

"That was-" Dan panted, "-the most fun-," He wheezed, "-I've ever had."

Phil grinned at him and moved Dan's hair away from his face.

Phil stared at him until Dan rolled his eyes.

"What are you staring for?"

"Dunno, you look like sex on legs."

Dan gulped, going red.

"I could say the same for you." 

Phil grinned.

He was grounded for the whole year. Jason's never heard his parents yell so much.

Phil huffed angrily and stormed back to his room.

His parents ungrounded him after another two months.

Everything was back to normal again, except Phil had managed to get a girlfriend.

She was nice, incredibly beautiful- a tad bit annoying and very bad at sex.

Dan was jealous, he was salty towards her, harsh almost.

At one point, Dan found Phil alone in his room with his boner in his hand.

"Why don't you run off to your girlfriend?" Dan spat.

"She doesn't- she's not good." Phil said.

"What?"

"She's not good, in the bedroom department."

"Oh so you want me to jerk you off now?" Dan rolled his eyes, angrily.

"Would you mind?"

Dan scoffed but he did it anyways.

Phil was worried he was cheating but Dan reassured him, saying he was simply _helping_ Phil.

They ended up doing that on a daily schedule.

Phil cheated on his girlfriend with Dan and when she found out, she was furious.

'Well?" She barked out, "It's either me or him! Choose!"

And the answer was easy.

 _Dan_.

When Dan got a girlfriend, the arrangement was exactly the same until they decided they didn't need a girlfriend.

They had each other.


End file.
